Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Just a silly story to tell.
This couple are just real silly individuals. They are named John and Christine. They are not together, yet they like each other. John has a good friend name Paul. Both of them knows each other inside out and it so happens that he is Christine's brother.
And then Paul started to see that John has starting to develop feelings for his sister. Just happens one day Paul encouraged John to go for Christine. John was hesitant at first but Paul just told him to go for it and John said he will see to it, just let time tell.
On one of this random days when the two buddies were chilling out at the bar. He bet John, "Eh you pussy ah? Call my sister la!" John said, "Don't want la. I just don't know how it'll go.." Paul replied, "Actually in a relationship you just have to follow your heart, I can't tell you what to do."
After that night, John's mind was confused. Those words were ringing again..and again in his head. "Eh you pussy ah? Call my sister la!"
"Don't want la. I just don't know how it'll go.."
"Actually in a relationship you just have to follow your heart I can't tell you what to do."
And so he double clicked on Christine's name and begin to type. The conversation went long and well. John mustered his courage and ask Christine on a date. Christine agreed and off they went on a date at the theaters. John felt awkward to date Christine out as someone he may like. It's not the first time that they have watched movies or even go out together but John just feels weird.
Of course Christine doesn't know of anything like this but she smells a rat. John skipped work to spend more time with Christine just because he likes being with her. And Christine skipped her training because John wants to spend more time with her. Knowing that Christine agreed on hanging out later then discussed John was super ecstatic.
Time flew past quickly. The time they spend together just seems so right yet short. Towards the end of the day, they both grabbed a booze each and headed off to somewhere quiet to chat. Just when they get to their quiet place to sit down and booze off, a sudden growth of awkwardness found it's way to the both of them. Curiosity, tension, awkwardness, they all just came booming in, all in one shot. The passing of time was totally opposite from the entire day, time just pass by...so slowly.
Christine was overwhelmed and finally questioned John of many things. Christine asked John, "What are you thinking of?" John replied, "Many many things." She questioned, "Am I in your thoughts?" He thought and said, "Maybe."
John simply asked her the same questions that she posted for him. Christine answered those questions like how John did. The atmosphere was filled up with so much tension. But the both of them just didn't budge with the tension that arose so quickly yet steadily. They started talking about matters of the heart. There was just too many things to say. He told her that he likes her. But her words seems to him like she was trying to push him away. Trying to convince him so many things why he shouldn't like her. But John was just so sure that Christine feels the same way to him like he do to her. "I like being with you", she said. John just felt so reassured but confused because she was just contradicting herself for the entire conversation.
The night just seem so long and tough to pass by.
Finally they both went home but still talking on the way. Even when they are at home, they still conversed. John had so many questions but he just can't form them into sentences, until the time when they were conversing on their cellphone. Although he asked all the questions he could make out of the night, he was still confused. And then at 4am in the middle of night they hang up and went to bed.
John woke up and went off to work. During work hours he just can't concentrate on what he is doing and just can't smile. Although he wasn't exactly sad, he was just too confused to even feel of a certain emotion. John felt like talking to Christine but there was nothing much to talk to her about. So basically he just send her a text message regarding something stupid and not important. "Hey guess what? Your cookies that you bought for the movies yesterday are still in my bag."
So they started talking.
After work John decided to go to his colleague's place to stay over and chill out. He told his story to his colleague and felt much better after pouring everything out of his head. John felt very thankful to have a good listener for the night. His colleague told him to take a day off the next day. He too doesn't want to see John in a moody state especially at work. John just say he will consider.
So when dawn arrived John headed home to have a good night sleep. After he woke up, his supervisor texted him and told him to not come and take a day's break. So John listened to his supervisor but felt lonely through the day. Christine was all over John's mind. There is just nothing but her. Soon after Christine texted John asking him whether did he told one of our friends about the two of them. John said that he never say anything but the friend just guessed that something was going on between them.
Christine was all distracted right after the friend asked her about things between me and her. John felt that they need to talk soon. So did Christine. So they met up a couple of hours later and sat down together to talk things out. Even when Christine said so many things trying to convince John why he shouldn't like her, John just couldn't understand certain things. Finally to John all that mattered was whether or not Christine likes him. So he questioned her. She answered in a reassuring yet unique way.
That was the only thing that mattered for John. Later in the night John met up with Paul to chill out. He told Paul everything of what happened and all Paul could only say was to let time tell. For the whole night John just sigh at the sight of a text message that read, "sigh. i miss you la." at 12.45:13am on 23rd February 2008.
These two buddies stayed over in school. They both had problems in their love life at that point of time. So they both helped each other to think of something to do just to spice up their love life. John just felt he should do something for Christine to convince her that he really likes her. So John wrote a card truly on what he felt and what he should tell her. Half anticipating Christine to go all love smitten when she sees the card. John was also worried she might not be at home when he knocks her door.
The two buddies bid farewell and went off to achieve greater heights in love. While worrying Christine would not be at home, she called him at the right time. He gathered his information and was glad that she will be in when he knocks her door. John was filled with excitement to see her reading the card and anticipating how will she reciprocate.
He phoned her to see him outside of her house. John waited for quite some time before she appeared. He passed her the card but she told him she will read when she gets home later. In the meanwhile he accompanied her for lunch and ran some errands for her granny. Since the time she said she would read it when she get back her home, he was already disappointed and moody. He just wanted to she how would she react when she reads those words that spoke of his heart. Though he knows words like "how great you look when you smile...I've memorized your face and the way you look at me.." was just pure sweet talking but words like "..I can't remember the last time I felt so strongly about someone.." was just exactly how he felt.
John offered to get the drinks while she have her meal. Unknowingly she read them while he got them drinks. He didn't expect her to have read the card therefore was still moody. John asked her to read it and she said she have read. At that moment John was waiting for her to say something or react in a way that he have been anticipating. But there was just no reciprocal. Not even the slightest sign of being touched.
Then John asked, "Don't you have anything to say?" Christine said, "I just don't know how to react." To him, she seems like she's not convinced and have gotten same things from other guys in the past wooing her but cheated her in the end. He just didn't know how to convince her on how true his heart is. How truthful he is with his words. Or maybe he was still confused too. But she was just special to him. And to him the word special is a very strong word to use. No one is special unless this special someone showed him how special they are. How important and significant this someone can be.
He asked her out and she agreed. Knowing that he is all disappointed he still wants to spend time with her maybe trying to convince her.
This time they didn't enjoy each other's company. Time past by so slowly, John just felt like everything was slow motion. She made him feel like he is invisible. She made him feel like she didn't want to hang out with him. She made him feel like everything else was more important than he is. He was disheartened. Hours later he couldn't take it anymore. He started questioning her. He started telling how he felt today. He just wants her to open up her heart and speak to him.
Finally. Only finally she opened up her heart and spoke with her heart. She told him of many things. Why she isn't ready. Why he shouldn't like her. Why she was acting like that the whole day. He could only nod and suffered in silence. But he was happy that she is honest with him. He is just someone that doesn't like being kept in the dark. He likes the truth to be out and open. He likes honest people. Also he likes people to face reality.
She invited him to her house for dinner. He felt like it was crazy and weird. But he went in the end. It wasn't that bad. In fact he felt quite homely there. He have never felt like this before. It was his first time feeling so warmth on the inside. He saw that her family ties were so strong. He haven't experience anything like this before. He was born in a family that doesn't have strong bond.
John was happy yet sad. Seeing such a bonded family just makes him jealous in a way. They went off somewhere to sit down and chat. Now John starts to think more. Family, friends and her. He couldn't understand why he just had to be so struck by his emotions at that time. But all he knew was he could cry. He have never teared in front of a girl but that doesn't matter. It's just. His feelings are not that strong to make him cry. Soon after he held Christine in his arms and time just seemed to stop there. All he knew was just to cry. Only after the tears dried up he told her what he was thinking of.
Both of them kissed through the night. But after they went home they just felt they both did wrong. It was just wrong. After that night they didn't see each other for a day. They met for supper on the second day after that night. Christine went over to John's area to have supper. They enjoyed each other's company and they like it that way. Having each other in a happy mood just seem so right.
So after supper, Christine send John home and John said he will flag a cab for her to go home. But she don't want to go home. She said she wants to stay out alone in the middle of the night. John insist that she should go home. While Christine insist that John should go home and don't worry about her. But John is a very protective person. He wouldn't let any girl stay out alone in the middle of the night especially when he knows it. Even if it's a guy that would be doing that, he would consider real hard. After some time Christine finally agreed unwillingly that John can join her.
For the whole time Christine was looking away trying so hard not to feel John's existence. While for John he was hoping that she would talk to him. John knew whatever that he say will not be of any use or have any effect on her. She is just going to give him a smile, that's all. John saw her crying alone. He wanted to go over and embrace her but he knew she wouldn't want that. It just hurts him so much to just be there and can't do anything. Finally John thought he should do something. He risked leaving her alone and went to 7-11 to grab Christine's favourite chocolate bar just to coax her and make her happy.
John was already anticipating that she would leave the place and run away. True enough she wasn't there when he went back. He have already thought if which way she would go to. So he headed towards that direction and he found her. She was running away from him. John just chased. John didn't know if she knows that he is tailing her. But John didn't care he just want to make sure she is okay. Finally John lost her. He was panicking and trying to find her. Running around to see if she's anywhere in sight. For the whole time Christine's cellphone was on low battery so she turned it off.
He also thought she might be back at the place before. Ridiculous he thought. He just believe that if he continue with the search he will find her.
Some facts, John labels himself as an atheist. Meaning he doesn't believe in any god. He just believes in himself. He believes that only he can bring about his own future. But Christine just happens to be directly opposite. She believes in God. She have faith in God. God is her first priority.
So John told himself, "Just let me believe God for once." While John told himself that he just need to put in more effort and he can find her. But there was just this something that just kept telling him to head back home. He was fighting with that intuition until some time later he just decided to head home. While walking home he texted Christine to call him. Only seconds after the text message was sent, Christine called. John just simply stared at his cellphone thinking, "could it be so coincidental?" He answered the call. She is back at the place before.
John ran all the way back and found her. For that moment John chose to believe in God. Everything that happened was just too coincidental. He told Christine his encounter with God. Christine could only smile and say God is just such a wonder. Only finally Christine got pissed at John for not going home to sleep, knowing that he needs sleep. She packed her things and he asked where is she going. Pissed her said she is going home in an angry manner. John flagged a cab for her and heard her telling the cab driver her house address, he simply smiled. Christine didn't bid him goodbye or even look at him the entire time. John didn't really care because all he know was that she needs to go home.
Christine texted John reprimanding him. Saying that he deprived her of her time alone. John apologised but expected her to say her apologise too. Only two days after, she apologised.
John knows that she cares. He can feel it. But Christine just chooses to act like she doesn't. She is probably the toughest girl he ever wooed. But to him it is worth doing for such a special girl. He hopes that he can completely win her heart over. She is just special to him.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Someone that means something to me did something so silly and foolish that I became one too. She wanted to spend time alone fine. But she wants to spend time around in the public in the middle of the night. Just tell me how can I agree on letting her go alone? So I stayed with her until dawn while knowing that I need to sleep and wake up only like a couple of hours after dawn. I know it sucks with the fact that I'm not granting her wishes but what's more important than safety?
I don't really care if God is there to look over you. Because what if you just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time? Even though I'd agree that chances of a mishap happening would be low but that doesn't mean it will not happen. I just don't want to blame it on myself if anything really happens. I just want to be there to make sure everything is okay.
I'm sorry but I cannot and I emphasize CANNOT compromise in safety.
She just happen to want to be alone at the wrong place at the wrong time and, maybe to her, the wrong person as well.
To me safety overrides everything else.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I just did something really really wrong. I know I shouldn't be doing it but it just can't help it. Wth man. I'm breaking the 4th Scout Law, A scout is disciplined and considerate. Yoohoo? What are all the talks about me myself living on the Scout Law. BLAH
Anyway, now things SEEMS to be more settled and confirmed but still I got to emphasize "seems". I'm very sure it's not ending just here. I foresee that there will be more problems coming in or maybe it's just the same problem and just repeats it's cycle. I don't know. I'm confused yet I seem so settled. Rwar.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
One of my greatest fear in my life is rejection. I'm afraid of rejection. That is why I put in my very best in everything. I always mean what I say. When I say no means no. When I say yes means yes. Because of this I'm afraid of hurting someone. It could be anyone. I never like to hurt someone. I'd rather hurt myself than hurt others. For all I know I believe in karma.
The Scouts Law plays a big part in my life. Only up till now I realise that I've always been living by this five laws.
1. A Scout is to be trusted.
2. A Scout is loyal.
3. A Scout makes friends and maintains harmonious relations.
4. A Scout is disciplined and considerate.
5. A Scout has courage in all difficulties.
All of this has been so true to me. I need people to put lots of trust in me because I am loyal. The reason why they should put so much trust in me is because I have the courage to overcome all obstacles. No matter how much I dislike a friend. I try my best not to hurt them. I'm disciplined enough to tell what is right and what is wrong.
I am very sure this works the same way for you too. I sincerely hope you have the courage to overcome all obstacles. I am sure that I am not the only one that hopes for that. There are so many people that puts this hope on you. Don't disappoint us alright? As well as a friend I really hope for that miracle to happen.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
BOO! Wassup people! Sorry for the long awaited post here. I guess now there's nothing much except for...Chinese New Year!! Woohoo! All the unmarried are just eagerly waiting for this festive season to come so that they can get Ang Pow!! While the married are eagerly waiting for all their relatives and friends to warm up their house with a good year to begin with!
And me...I'm eagerly waiting for all the money to come! Cai yuan gun gun lai! Sun sun li li ah! Lai ah! Mahjong, ban lak, 21 dian ah all come ah! Haha! =)
Hope everyone enjoy their 2008 Chinese New Year! Weee =)
